how can u be prego again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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