why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
