Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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