i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
