He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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