There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
