I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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