**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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