This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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