I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
