I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you had me at cake vodka
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
