Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
