i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
