I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
