GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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