You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
