some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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