I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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