I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
