$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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