just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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