I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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