If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
