I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
