As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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