just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
