why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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