I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
