Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
