I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
