just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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