when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
