I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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