:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
In America we eat man semen.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
