I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
