At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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