Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He felt like a one man threesome
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
