Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
