i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
