idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
