Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
