and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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