i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
