At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
