how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
