I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
