we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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