i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
