Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
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Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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