we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
