Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
