I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
