college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
