i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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