just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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