I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
