today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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