Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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