Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
even my farts smell like vagina
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
