you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
