i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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