but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
