Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
